Appee BeRpDaY!..

A new blog.. wheew.. I had deleted my old blog.. For I think it was filled with facts about my past.. Well, life's goin' to be great for some time.. And I have recovered for a lot of heartaches that I had been through.. I guess that's what life is all about..

It's my BIRTHDAY this coming saturday.. hmmm.. Im not that excited I guess.. I haven't had a birthday filled with so mucH HAPPINESS. And so, I'm not expecting a lot for this coming saturday..

Actually, I was excited with the thought that I would be with the special person who made me this happy for the past few months.. He's quite different from the others.. He's not the typical guy I wish to be with.. But he's MORE THAN I could ask for.. Life's sailin' smoothly as days pass by.. And I'm feeling the fact that he could be the MR. RIGHT..

Well, I was not that optimistic though it seemed to be..When problems pass by, I easily give up.. But he was strong enough to hold me then and never let me go.. That's why my paranoia was in the state of... hmmm.. going away for just a  vacation?!.. hehe.. I could not say that it's gone forever.. I was too afraid to hold him too tight.. I was afraid to be left all alone again.. I learned to be strong for quite some time..

And now, I was going back to the old me.. Frightened and Pessimistic.. Thinking bout things as if it won't be as I seemed it to be yesterday.. I know that happiness is not forever.. If he won't love me back the way I loved him, it's okay.. I got used to it.. I was always left crying and blaming myself for being hurt.. Why? Because I let myself hangin on again for a moment even without thinking that this would still come to an end.. I was DESPERATE then..

I realized that Love is not that easy as I seemed it was to be.. I loved and lost.. Again, I loved and Lost.. Again and again, I loved and lost.. How many times more would I be experiencing this kind of "kaepalan" in my life...

And yet, I can't teach my heart not to fall again.. I can't teach my tears not to fall again..

And I can't teach myself to be happy even in my upcoming birthday.. And this is REALITY..